She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My dick has a subreddit
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
