Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
