Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
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