walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
