I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
