just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
