you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
