this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
