Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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