I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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