My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
