Ambien. No doubt about it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
