I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
