I queefed so loud it echoed.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
