hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
