She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My vagina is very pro this idea
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
