Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
