Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
