There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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