My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
