We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
