I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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