I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
