What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
