You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
