if i can run in heels then i can drive
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize