"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
