There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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