The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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