I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
