my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
