bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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