Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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