Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
