yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
