i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
