I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
