He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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