Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
