Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
