I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Panties = found
Randomize
