whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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