that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
