Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
