he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
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What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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