Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
