I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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