I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
