his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
