Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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