Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
