Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
