Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
