Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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