I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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