i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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